Well listen chief - never again do i want the scenario of going to the ER totally naked and partially drunk to b a possibility.
just woke up and he was jacking off in the corner.. am i being punked?
Is it rude if I ask the current tenets of our future apartment if I can come and blackout for a night? I want stupendously drunk me to get a feel for the place so he's comfortable when we move in.
you're being fucking weird and i don't like it. text me when you're not being the after picture on a poster for rehab
It's not that I even wanna fuck these guys anymore, just cuddle that's all. My conscience has never been so proud.
I feel like a pizza delivery girl of vagina tho
Do you think if 10 year old us knew that we would be passing out in a McDonalds after a hefty night of drinking, and 23 McChickens, they'd change anything?
Being single is awesome because I can still drink a bottle of wine and hate myself, but I don't have to shave my legs!
I was thinking about the biological process causing me to puke while I was puking. THAT'S how much I'd been studying.
The Stanley Cup Final is killing me. I can't go to work drunk again.
We have moved from phase 1: honeymoon, to phase 2: trapped in relationship until the cold embrace of death
Found out that I went to the same elementary school as the guy I'm hooking up with. Kosher or no
It's OK, I woke up in a drag queen's bed last weekend. It took me forever to get the glitter out of my cleavage.
I need your help immediately! I sorta kinda sliced my foot off at the ankle with my new kitana. Bring your cooler, ice and some hospital road beers.
Santi's no longer allowed to buy booze in my lane. Last thing I need is a midlife crisis looking at his Id again.
Randomize
