hipster in red sally jessy raphael glasses inside. kick her.
did you know you can prarie-dog a fart??
Kill yourself wednesday started off with a bang, and im pretty sure im still drunk from tequila tuesday.
Some are given great drunkenness. Others have great drunkenness thrust upon them, in the form of ice storms.
I just called my mom 'Napoleon bronaparte'. I need to stop hanging out with you.
I went to the haunted house just to see her - Hello new fetish!
I miss the time when Mondays weren't the new Thursdays. I can't drink like my 17 year old self anymore.
He says he won't get serious until he screws an Asian and a virgin. I should just place an ad on Craig's List
Wanted: female 18-24 of Asian or partial Asian descent to fuck my ginger boyfriend. Must be willing and able to fake virginity. No emotional connection needed, just sex, just once. Further contact post sex not needed (or particularly desired)
I just found a piece of glass in my ear from Saturday.
If I have to masturbate more than twice a week you fail as a fuck buddy. Just so you know...................you failed
Mostly i might never get belligerent again because im gonna have to keep track of a diamond ring.
There's a naked man in my car right now.
he had DANDRUFF in his PUBES. 0/10 would not blow again.
Last night this creepy guy asked me my name and I told him it was Jaundice and he called me that all night
Tequila shots and throwing it at a bell.
This is dumb. I'll keep doing it.
Randomize
