Plus she can make a mean sandwich! That's all I really need. Well that and foot jobs...
Ok forget what i said about christmas break being awful. Chasing shots with fudge
you'd be alarmed at how much plan b i just found in mom's bathroom...
On a scale of 1 to last weekend, how hungover are you?
apparently i'm the only person who has heard from her since saturday. she texted me "burt reynolds" at 2am sunday
the boat had a sign not to jump off the roof of it, which gave us the idea to jump off the roof of it
Why is there bacon braided in my hair
That doesn't mean I'm a slut. Unless McFlurries are involved.
I will rub McFlurries all over you.
What did he say?
NOTHING. GODDAMN HIM AND HIS MAGICAL PENIS!
CSI Miami is on and the guy is trying to save this woman who got shot. By stripping off his shirt & belt. THE WOMAN NEEDS YOUR PANTS OFF TOO
You shouted, "LOOK I'M HAWKEYE," and beaned mike with a dildo from across the room.
My parents worry about me having parties when they go on vacation. Umm no it just means I'm drinking and smoking alone on the first floor of the house instead of the second
Hashtag Pathetic
I just felt emotion and I'm not okay with it
One of my nipples looks nothing like the other...i don't know how this happened
The school better be open next year. I’ve been FB stalking Dads of my incoming students and there’s serious DILFage in this class! Maybe 2020 will turn around!
It’s 2020. You’ll probably get knocked up. If you’re really lucky you’ll just get the clap
Randomize
