I dont wanna date her. I just wanna be able to run a blacklight over her face and prove ownership.
she went home with me because she said i reminded her of paul rudd. remind me to thank him for his awkwardness
Im still in bed and cant move and i only had Two beers and a shot last night... how did I make it in college?
God gave us a 4 year grace period.
Nothing like all your friends getting engaged to remind you how much fun sleeping around is.
you got me arrested i just think that goes without question you owe me a blowjob
After Thursday my breakup "don't screw anybody out of respect" month will be over and I will be set loose. My pussy is purring with anticipation.
I'm totally wasted about to ride water slides. That's goddamn 'Merican. That and Clint Eastwood.
I think it's god's punishment for my behavior in Vegas . Lies were told. Angels were defiled. Pools were pissed in
That's the last time I get in a car with six rappers headed to god knows where.
Holy shit, just saw a girl in the library smoking a bong disguised as a calculator
Did I really just send a work email with cum instead of come? feck me
YAY! I just removed my own stitches, and I'm only bleeding from one spot! on a related note, do you think a dishwasher will sterilize forceps and trauma shears?
It can't be Friday yet, in still getting friend requests of people I don't remember from last weekend
I'm starting to think my emotional health is declining because I was watching transformers today and legit almost started crying
However, pretty glad I spent the night puking on my car instead of fucking him. Then I'd REALLY be miserable.
Randomize
