batman tramp stamp. Dibs.
Avril Lavigne as a judge on Idol wearing devil ears. it's like every boner you ever had in 2002 just came true.
we thought you were sober enough for a movie but you took one look at emily blunt and screamed "aw this bitch?!" and passed out 30 seconds later
Then he took his girlfriend's fuzzy handcuffs and locked me to their bed. Key is in an unknown location. He's surprisingly idiotic, for being premed.
I'll offer my penis as collateral. You can hold title to it till I pay you back.
Dude. I might have just seen some porn i wasnt ready to see. The chicks were so old.
I was talking to another guy at the bar last night and all of a sudden a flying piece of Sausage lands on my boobs. Then I hear my boyfriend yell, "just marking my territory."
He's probably the biggest I've seen outside of the porn I vehemently deny watching and he asks if I think he's too small
i dont know whats worse..that i woke up in a gorilla suit or that its covered in peanut butter
I don't think stranger penis made your tonsils bleed
He told me I had smoking hot areolas then he wins an executive of the year award. How does that even happen?
YAS. BRING CRAB.
Have you ever wondered if we are just made up characters in someone's head? You'll have to forgive me right now I think I have 7 thumbs
I've decided I will have no shame for the things I don't remember doing.
I got drunk. Then I took a shit.
It was a good shit
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