I regularly think about how cool your nickname is
last night i told the bartender i only have 3 days left to live so i wouldnt have to pay for drinks
this morning i woke up with a nothing but a pair of what i believe are fairy wings on - and the bartender in my bed
he thinks ill be dead by monday and still came home w me.. WTF?
messed up. what color are the wings?
I'm eating oreos and watching porn. This is your fault.
Have you ever seen a 300 pound pregnant lady's boob fall out of her shirt cuz she's not wearing a bra? I have.
My near death experience also doubled as my coming out story
they all just nodded
at least the person I hooked up with donates to charity, the shirt I was wearing this morning was his relay for life shirt.
he needs to stop knowing everyone on campus...it's making cheating on him really difficult.
Do you think if you have sex with a girl twin, her twin brother feels it to? Woke up at her house and they both have a look of disappointment on their faces.
He's just giving off this "someone be a bitch to me" vibe
We dropped so many bottles they would only give us plastic cups. We actually drank ourselves back to preschool.
Date idea: we should go to the store and buy all the different kinds of Lay's and eat them all
just so you know.. snorkeling hungover: great decision. I was throwing up and he couldn't even tell!
I dipped out before he woke up, but I made sure to take the pizza with me.
The wedding is over. Operation sleep with my step-sister has officially begun
Got everyone out of my house, somehow managed to put all my lawn furniture back, puked in my sink, and cleaned it up all while black out drunk before my parents came home. Successful night.
Randomize
