wakey wakey hands off snakey
That's kind of creepy but I guess since I'm wearing your dad's pants nothing is off limits anymore
Is Jonathan Taylor Thomas a gay? I need you to google search it for me. Its important
Lol speaking of weird...he just sent me a naked pic of himself that said "meow" at the bottom.
the women in the ladies room did not appreciate my innovation of turning a sink into a urinal
I don't know why I've never thought to take my bong into the bathtub before.
He told me he breastfed 'til he was six. That explains the obsession with me getting fake tits. Is it a red flag?
Until you find your self finger banging supergirl in the middle of the dance floor while her friends are passing around for luigi mustache for a photo op, YOU HAVE NOT HIT MY LEVEL
You kept going up to guys in plaid and screaming "are you a lumberjack" in their faces
Can't tell if its the LSD or if that demon man just stared at my penis. Cleveland is a weird place. All true stories.
Let the record show that the first hour of my twenty-first was spent shooting tequila ans discussing the emotional integrity of werewolves.
Just set myself on fire a little bit. Made me think of you.
He went down on me while i ate a whole 7/11 pizza. New level unlocked
In other news, my ex fuck buddy is a surprisingly good wingman.
As you were falling you yelled out, "save my burrito!" Priorities
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