During sex he started singing that song in Forgetting Sarah Marshall--"Inside of You"--by Russell Brand
Don't worry about later. I already pre-ordered a pizza for a 1:45 delivery and told them to ignore any calls from your number.
You're getting good at this, you know that?
We're talking about addictions in class and there's a girl 2 rows in front of me on Farmville. Hello, example.
Paddidles count extra in the back of a cop car
his electricity got shut off. i felt like a pilgrim searching for his dick.
When you consider the sheer number of events that had to occur in order to prevent me from fucking her, there must be a god
As your attorney I advise you to rage rapidly
Did you seduce any young men into coming home to your love nest of poutine and jäger bombs?
I didnt want you guys to know I needed to puke, so I just nonchalantly did in my solo cup and threw it out the window
He is peeing inside and sticking up for himself. Those are two of the four signs of the apocalypse.
Bro if you don't text me back I'm gonna send you a picture of my nut sack every ten seconds for the rest of the night. I'm home alone with nothing to do. Don't push me.
I've now fucked in every motel room in this small town.
Nah I think he's a bit weirded out I worked out where he lives from a Facebook photo
Dude, fuck these noisy kids, fuck all this light, and fuck you for getting to sleep while I have to be productive and hungover.
Speaking of dumpster fires, your ex tried to add me on Facebook
Randomize
