i had a dream the other night i was titty fucking you while you were asleep, then you woke up and didn't care.
I didn't realize how hung over I was until I rolled over and the world rolled over with me.
we're doing shots for every degree below freezing it is outside
Smoking bowl and applying to community college. I now know how I got here.
you know it's the perfect hook up when you don't have any friends in common with his girlfriend on facebook.
Making a drinking game out of jeopardy does not mean you studied..
WERE YOU GOING TO TELL ME THERE WAS A LOAF OF BANANA BREAD IN THE OVEN BEFORE YOU LEFT FOR A 5 HOUR SHIFT??
we made out at a charity event. really i was helping the fight against aids...
I don't know but the stairs are covered in apples
And everyone was looking at me because it was cold and I was drunk and may have screamed "oh fuck" ... You know what, fuck that. What do people think they're getting at Denny's 2 in the morning
I haven't been hungover in so long I'm actually looking forward to it
Google Maps needs to have a hungover setting. That bitch talks too loud and all I want is breakfast tacos & a bloody fucking mary.
What kind of true American would I be if I didn't just smoke weed in my bathrobe on my back porch in the middle of suburbia on 4/20? #stepmomoftheyear
I'm a shining star this evening. Dancing with a cane in rite aid now. I should be kept under survaillance.
My ex's sister asked me to be her date to Thanksgiving. Should I go?
Threesome!
Randomize
