I'm sorry for everything. i woke up with two citations stapled to my shirt.
i like that octo mom she is my favorite xmen
Sex has been so nonexistent lately that when I was masturbating the other day, I actually paused to yawn.
I KNOW you don't honestly think you can pay me back in lotto tickets.
i purposely bought her a small sweater. My way of saying, you've gotten fat.
The plus side of allergy season is that after our weekend coke binge my runny nose fits right in.
im just sayin im driving an hr to pick her up, just cause shes your gf doesnt mean i shouldnt be entitled to a bj
The cop was more concerned with the fact I had cowboy boots on with shorts than the fact we were under age
Got in a bar fight defending Prince. Thought you ought to know. He gets his dick sucked cooking eggs for breakfast.
Learn from me. Do not smoke cigs and fold laundry in your room. The cigarette will fall into the dresser without you noticing and your shirts will be on fire. Wanna go shopping tomorrow? I need some new shirts.
Today is a shit your pants at work kinda day
We had sex six times. In a span of 8 hours. Confirmation I don't need to go to the gym.
Sooo I ended up ugly crying at the drive thru window at 10 pm last night....how was your valentine's day?
Well what did you order
Just convinced the cute guy from class that I have prostate cancer. GET ME OUT OF THIS TOWN!
dude I fucking saw you snort tequila
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