My relationship with VH1 is so bittersweet
I know I'm really high but I swear I just saw him beating off to his fantasy football roster.
like we started out all organized and composed and within thirty mins people were throwing up in the bushes, arguing over a beer bong and jumping in the pool with their clothes on
she found me naked passed out on the toilet and i just kept repeating "i'm like elvis, but not dead."
She made me role-play everything from an older prof to a in-patient in need of a medical exam. Yay for cocaine.
I am 100% positive that I have seen a porno that was shot in this bar.
We sat in his closet and drank four loko out of my camelbak for an hour in the dark. You tell me how my night went.
You almost set me on fire last night.
You probably deserved it.
Our penis' have led to more networking than mark zuckerberg.
Who had my phone last night? Whoever it was sent "Fuck you, you're adopted" to half the people on my contact list.
Best part of Friday afternoon drinking? Having ping pong balls thrown into my cleavage.
It was incredible. For as long as I live, I will gladly drop whatever I'm doing and spend a night with her face between my legs ANY time she asks.
I am decidedly straight, but I'll write it into my wedding vows if I have to.
Eh, I don't question what my penis likes. It just does what it does.
My god imagine how much cum is in that astroturf
I just talked comic books with a cop. We high-fived as he was running my name.
Proud of you.
We discussed the legality of being a vigilante. I won.
Randomize
