I skipped work to stalk him.
I just followed up on a noise complaint...only to find 2 girls in bikinis covered in jello with beer cans everywhere. I couldn't bring myself to bust that party.
I want to be a cop.
How you know a guy is gay: they say they would want money, not sexual favors, from emma watson
She had a muffin-top while wearing a one piece bathing suit. Thats gotta break one of newton's laws or something
Does he know anything about your personal life besides what you look like without clothes on?
i realized boys travel in groups of 3's and girls travel in 4's..thats why it gets so tricky
like hot dogs and buns.
I can hear her blowing you man. All I hear is her saying 'yeah' over and over again.
Horrible. I told her my girlfriend is in the hospital and she tried to give me a lapdance.
If I ever die and svu has to come to my murder scene make sure they know I don't wear underwear always so it might not be as bad as they think
Last time I sleep with a guy with a penchant to fragrance his dick. Every time I sit to pee, I get a whiff of Axe body spray.
I said "sucks to suck" to a cop last night. We've been snapchatting.
i found waldo and immediately set him to work eating me out. please have more out of season costume parties.
he's been 21 for 38 minutes and he's already trying to fist fight this dude over his girl
awwwww babys first drunken mistake
while on the topic of showers...why is there apple juice in our bathtub?
im about to bake her parents a "thank you for making such beautiful babies, ive had sex with all 5 of them" cake
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