You guys coming?
We are smoking out the bouncer? But after that sure
what age do we have to be before we can stop fucking guys on the first date?
I woke up to 'call me' written in red lipstick on my chest. Thats the hottest/sluttiest thing ever. I win at LIFE!
Why is there an empty beer bottle in the shower?
Why wouldn't there be.
dude she was so drunk she thought Jim Joyce made the right call
Even my psychiatrist thinks I should fuck the married guy.
Using that mug my little cousin painted for me as an ashtray for my weed...at least next time he asks me if I'm using it I can say yes
you told that cab driver that when the 3 of us come togehter it means happiness and love
So the bartender from Applebees totally looks like he would take his clothes off for $40
I like how you possess the gift that turns normal guys into strippers
What I've learned from glowsticks: glowing things are not safe to eat
It was one of those "how did I get to my bed and what am I wearing" mornings.
as much as I don't like snorting drugs, I would totally be fine with someone doing a line off my ass. that's just a whole new up
the bright side of moving is at least my Tinder options will refresh
I think I fucked someone on the flight home last night.
I'm going to talk him into letting me tie him up, and then just leave him that way and go meet you for fro-yo.
Randomize
