omg so im topless lying on my bed and i forgot my nail clippers are on my bed and i just leaned forward and the nail clipper closed. on my nipple. ouch
what has become of my life if the best thing thats happened to me this week is that i discovered my cleavage as the best hiding spot ever for weed.
it's just weird having a massive boner in the morning when you could have used it the night before.
Gordon Ramsey's restaurant in NY is $150 each for the chef's menu
So you're taking me there this weekend?
oh, looks like he just opened a new restaurant right by us- it's called "McDonald's". Must be scottish food.
dude, it should not be this hard to find a bottomless mimosa on a friday morning
I got cut off for calling the flower girl a slut. What are you doing?
He found my weave.. Think he'll still fuck me Friday? And how do I ask for it back?
I think I just used lyrics from the Sister Sister theme song to let a guy down easy...
If you're wondering where your left shoe is you lost it in a bet with a homeless guy last night
We fist bumped behind their backs while drunk hooking up with them... Do other girls do this too? Or is it just us?
you texted him "it's time for the no pants dance", please get your tubes tied.
well you don't shave your pubes into a handlebar mustache and keep the party to yourself
Why do I always end up with closet ICP fans?
I sent a picture of my balls to one of my best friends, so basically it was an average night.
I passed up getting laid last night. It's almost been a YEAR - what the Hell was I thinking, being so choosy??
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