She told me a very interesting story, complete with pantomimes, about how she got a habanero seed in her vag
Am I a whore if I make out with a boy just so michelle can't?
either she said she was feeling frisky or eating friskies..i was too drunk to understand.
Dear drunk me, don't shave my balls til you're sober. My junk looks like a pomeranian with mange.
you have no idea how wierd it is to get nudes while talking to grandma
well shes beginning to earn a reputation as "the girl who tries to bone her hook ups in the ass with a pickle"
How do I tell my child he was conceived on a barstool in South Alabama?
Taco Bell drive through. Chick got out of the car in front of us and threw up on the hood of my car!
Not okay.
He walked into the pizza shop... Pulled the fire alarm.. And proceeded to dance to it...
His roommates came in the room and were throwing snowballs at us while we were hooking up.
...and that is the first time I've ever wished fewer naked women on someone I like.
Also, I'm kinda hungover this morning and I need to wire money to my lawyer. So this is what adulthood feels like
I'm just glad I met someone who probably won't punch you in the face
But if you move out who will get drunk with me on the roof and yell at boys?!?
i woke up this morning from the best one night stand. i made the guy mickey mouse pancakes for breakfast and when i walked back into the bedroom he said "marry me"
Randomize
