I tapped out to boredom. She bought me a full meal at Subway. Two tap beers and a pretty weak long island iced tea. I'm five dollars cheaper to fuck than she is.
and that's why he's hiding in the taco suit
I love how my cats smell like pot.
Cops said there's a crazy dude with a mask in my neighborhood. Don't get stabbed.
If he was naked that was me.
The trees feel like magic. Come fly to taco bell with me.
Sweating vodka and spray tan, I feel like a trophy wife.
Was it you who made out with a toothless guy last night?
Abort mission; I repeat: Abort mission.I found an attractive one.
I think girls have an advantage in chugging contests. We know how to just open our throats.
Holy shit, I just successfully took and sent a boob pic AT MY DESK I have conquered an entire new level of skill.
I don't think that calm, have their shit together people actually exist.
Buffalo PD walked in my bedroom this morning at 7 am. Was still blackout drunk, fully dressed, Steak Out wrapper on the floor, parking meter on the floor of the bar room. 'Both of your doors were wide open, wanted to make sure no one was robbing you.' Then I made a pass at her.
He wants to tie me naked and spread out on his table, press a vibrator to my clit and feed me ice cream.
That is my stoner wet dream!
You should not have followed "the guy who peed in my bed" with "he smells good."
He played me Kanye.. Speaking my love language.. He got a well deserved BJ
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