wanna go halves on a baby?
I went for the touchdown every play, and I think I ended up with herpes.
Yeah! I got cockblocked by the blizzard last night. Lost girl on way to my apartment. Not a joke
Homegirl just dropped a candle on the floor major party foul. Thought it make you feel better.
A man pulled out his penis last night and when I said I wouldn't touch it, he said, "that's fine it just needs to breathe".
Lost my credit card. M has a bottle of blood in her pocket from a hobo.
New level of stoned. My Terry's Chocolate Orange didn't 'whack-and-unwrap' so I ate it like an apple.
Wake your ass up this is a day of horror where we get horroibly drunk and sleep with tandom dudes who wish they were super heros ps i havr stuffed animals over my privates im a petting zoo this year
Are you coming down for 4/20 or does Easter kinda fuck that up for you?
I kinda got drunk and threw my debit card into a bonfire so I don't have any money at the moment lol.
When did i become the Rickety Cricket of my own life?
did u drive by my house last night?
bc if that wasn't you i threw my bourbon bottle at the wrong van
Hey I’m obsessed with Charlie Heaton from stranger things...not because he got caught at the border with coke...okay that’s a lot of it
The guy I slept with in AZ just called and is moving here next week.
I was trying to type "I just want you naked" and it put "I just want you baked"
Randomize
