I looked at my own cervix.
Stop staring at my boobs, I can't concentrate
Well how do you think I feel
fair enough
when i was ordering pizza, the guy muffled the phone but i could clearly hear him say "its that drunk bitch again"
I think Memorial Day also marks the beginning of "Bikini Profile Picture" season.
You broke into someone's house and stole a pan of lasagna.
Why did I just get a ziplock baggie labeled "2010" on it from you in the mail?
Haha, oh man. I'm awake now. Slept in my headdress.
He's socially awkward. He has a big dick. We've had this talk before, they're socially awkward because they don't leave the house they just sit home and play with it.
First memory of my senior year: Going into registration still drunk from last night.
That's what every 12 year old basketball team needs; a drunk and hungover lady eating KD whilst cheering them on. Highlight of their lives.
Drinking a grey goose and water in a random chair that I found by the road by myself
So there's that.
When we pulled over so you could pee, you made us stand over you and "make a roof"
Up until today, I never would have thought I'd have to tell someone not to color on the cat
If I had a dick, I'd stick it in some Oreo pancakes
There's a Taco Bell quesadilla in my shower caddy right now.
Randomize
