The shirt is mine, the pants are mine, the bra not so much
I hope you get used to having plenty of sperm because you're never gonna get any.
I just found 51 cents in my bed. Did you leave me a tip?
small problem..I have a major exam in the morning so I might have to go to the library after the party
so no drinking for you?
don't be silly
you yelled that ur labia majora was swollen at 3 am in the dorm hallway
tan lines, throwing up everclear on the beach, doing lifeguards, tequila...summer.
To justify your stumbling you just kept yelling 'it's the boat, not the drinks' We hadn't even left the dock yet....
when life gives you lemons, puke and rally.
I'll start choreographing the sperm rain dance now
I threw a hotdog at the security guard and called the bartender "goodlooking for a 35 year old who was rode hard and put away wet"... I would have kicked me out too
If you don't ever hear from me again, just know that I loved you
Jesus Christ that's like a real possibility
you know, i'm always afraid you're going to think i only want you for sex because i only text you when i'm horny
speaking of, guess what i'm thinking about
If you sleep with him again I'll have you spayed
UGH FUCK THIS TRAFFIC I WANNA SUCK A DICK
We hooked up and he sent me home with a plant and skittles lmao
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