There's this guy beside me dancing with this girl with no panties on. When I looked at him he said he's babysitting his bestfriend's girlfriend since he can't come out.
What a good friend
Woke up this morning with one boob drawn on to look like the globe. Questionable?
She looks like Sash Grey but sounds like Fran Drescher. Advise.
I'm gonna die fat and alone and all they will find is pizza crusts
I just don't understand how my upright asian catholic roommate is getting more than me.
i have a food baby... i think its a boy...
they got in a fight during sex...she came out yelling and covered in chocolate
Im holding a competition......who saw me last, and who knows how my nose got bruised? you earn points for answering either question. and for bringing me water.
No. No. And hell no. If you are driving a Honda Fit you are not allowed to give me a dirty look. No.
A gay black guy with blonde hair and a gold tooth just told me he would shit on my face.
Now it's a party.
When you're not at your house I assumed you're somewhere having sex
FUCK YOU VODKA I'M TRYING TO ADULT RIGHT NOW
I gargles a mimosa for breakfast. It's gonna be a killer Monday.
Your dad was just slow dancing with the priest and holding a beer. Classic
Just woke up beside some twink in a kilt.. how is your sunday going
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