he's my edward cullen
I am pretty sure Edward Cullen never had an all-day drinking binge topped off with some blow.
Things he has used as lube on me: olive oil, cologne, purell, spit, tanning oil, and bottled hotel lotion
He needs to save up for some actual ky before my vagina gets an allergic reaction
I wish there was a Glade Plug-in for vaginas
Last night was proof dads should hug their daughters more
They need a stunt cock, be about 20 more minutes.
I usually just read books and meditate to an aquatic soundtrack of sea walrus's mating. But ill choose coors light instead
No. I'm just saying it shows no signs of stopping. My dad was a man-whore well into his 50s.
So, I'm tripsitting Ruben cause he's on LSD, and he's starting to eat the chair because 'it is evil' according to him... I can't choose: should I stop him or film it?
Its funny that for once I get home and I'm just as high as my parents are.
So I saw her today...and it was weird...she is just like not pregnant anymore.
Dude...how high are you? of course she isnt pregnant anymore...thats what happens when you give birth
I just came so hard my vision went blurry. I can only hope one day I'll find a man that can accomplish what my left hand does on a tri-daily basis.
The little girl I'm babysitting is having a tea party, the water and chips she's passing out are doing wonders for my hangover.
Of all the things I've masturbated to while high, my favorites are ritz chips and trees
Phone keeps correcting good morning to "food moaning" and I like the way it thinks.
He told me that I should keep my socks on next time because he read somewhere that it'll help me orgasm...
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