He wants to call Lloyd's of London and have my mouth insured.
I'm pre-party power houring. It's so catchy I couldn't not do it
I didn't take her seriously until she snorted that ramen noodle flavor packet...
I added "don't hook up with boys with girlfriends" to my new years resolution and realized how sad it was that it made me actually feel like a better person
he kept yelling THIS ISNT AMATEUR HOUR
at one point he couldn't find his underwear so he put on my catsuit to go to the bathroom
Ok in all seriousness. Alcohol intake is now restricted for me. I found handcuffs in my trunk.
She has dubbed herself the Pied Piper of Penis and keeps yelling about getting Cocktober started... Will send pix soon
Dead. I am actually dead. Also, worst nightmare confirmed: throwing up in a four hundred person lecture.
He drunk texted me what I think is two snails fucking on a mushroom. Is "you sick bastard" too mild a rejection?
They should make eskimo sister bracelets. OMG WE NEED BRACELETS WITH IGLOOS ON THEM.
HE PEED ON ME. THE MANAGER OF THE BAR.
The fact that I made out with a twenty one year old father is kind of worrying me now. Like. This is exactly what I wasn't supposed to do in life.
Omg I just woke up. In the hallway outside my room. I know you had something to do with this
I haven’t been this excited since I found out they sold cases of Jack Daniels.
Randomize
