you tried to do a keg stand and ended up flipping over it and onto the table
One of my other friends found me and the dog in the back seat of this one guy's car....I don't even know
Can we hire someone to dj while we have sex?
Today my mom told me "that's what worries me about you getting blacked out drunk... You don't look pretty"
dude, apparently i tried to force feed my grandma bananas last night.
I just want to curl up with him and brush his hair and sing love songs together, I think you should come over and end this
My first drink last night was a 2-liter of jameson and coke. So hung over it hurt to put my pants back on
I am convinced that after two dates and a few adult sleepovers that he still doesn't know my name.
We're in the kiddy pool eating marshmellows and drinking wine out of a box. Please dress casual.
we got kicked out of her coke dealer's house when we wouldn't stop quoting "a league of their own"
communist
Do you count doing $200 of coke off his dick until 6am as a successful rekindling of our relationship or...
Any idea why my ass cheeks are bruised again?
The fact that theyre bruised AGAIN means you're not adult enough to know why.
My history professo slid into my DMs. Granted I did give him “fuck me” eyes during a lecture a few times.
I wore my lizzie mcguire socks to the bar last night. Because that's how i get all the ladiez
Quick question. If you break the bathroom sink off the wall from fucking on it, can you claim it on your homeowner's insurance as a 'natural disaster'?
Randomize
