My goal for tonight: make tomorrow as awkward as humanly possible.
He left an apology note saying he had to work and that there was coffee, OJ and food on the table with two Excedrin. I left his spare key with the door guard and she said "too bad I don't go for skinny white boys or I'd jump you both!" Best one night stand ever.
Found my other fake eyelash. In a condom wrapper...
margarita monday on the first day back? my gpa is telling me noo! but my heart is telling me goo! I am conflicted..
YOU'RE FORCING ME TO BLOW A GUY BY NOT ANSWERING MY CALLS
My tuesday consisted of speaking to a federal agent for two hours and watching a roving band of gypsies jump over a fire until 2:30am
He's a psychology major, so instead of becoming a stripper, I'm just working out my daddy issues with him. And his cock. And spankings.
They're much more educational now btw. Don't judge.
You tried to wave to Meg on Family Guy and got upset because she wasn't waving back
I danced with a french guy who licked the sweat off my neck and poured a drink on me. Not gonna lie, that shit was refreshing
Laziness has hit a new level. I'm out of clean sexy underwear and meeting a boy tonight so I'm having a thong delivered via post mates.
I spilled a whole plate of queso and salsa on my bed so I'm just eating it off my sheets with chips. How's your night going?
I baked a frozen pizza completely, put it back in the plastic and box, and put it back in the freezer. THAT drunk.
Ive got small boobs, but they sure do like to pop out and party with the big dogs.
You know it’s going to be a rough day when you scream “Get fucked” at your alarm clock
i'm not too sure if he's up to my expectations looks-wise, but in the penis department he exceeds ALL regulations.
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