I just woke up my dad to tell him that i made out with the drummer. He wasnt as excited as I was.
my professor just said "the power of the situation"
drink
When she can manipulate the direction of her leg hair, you know its time to leave
Please fuck him. And then let me tell her. And then let me protect you from the knife she pulls from her Ed Hardy purse. Please.
explaining to a nurse how i all most cut my finger off playing beer pong, she def just hand me a AA booklet.
If you were a real friend you would have told me you saw me in a porno despite how awkward of a convo it is. You act like I should always know when I'm being recorded.
I could have made money off of that but no you had to wait 2 years to drunkenly tell me this shit.
Sitting in the library studying = googling how to get laid in the library.
Lets just say I chased with a burrito.
she just called me the flavor packet to her ramen noodles. get me the fuck out of here.
and then i signed some dudes back with a turkey hand print in honor of thanksgiving
I suggest absurd amounts of masturbation this weekend to build up the necessary calluses
I'm floating on a 30mph cloud right now not giving a fuck
slept with a 6'5 mountain man from Montana and then he played 'Girls Just Wanna Have Fun' on repeat..
Got pulled over today for going 90 in a 40 zone with my leg out of the window. Still got out of the ticket. I'm getting way too good at this. Wanna trade bodies so we can see if it's my boobs or my charm?
You should not be involved with someone who smells like that. Because that smell seriously does not go away. Even if you can't actually smell it at any given point, it will still haunt you
Randomize
