I just was on a 20min team conference call where I didn't speak, I used a Gus Johnson soundboard online to answer questions asked to me...the highlight of 2010
For using a life jacket as a pillow, I slept pretty good last night...
How do guys with small dicks who cheat on their girlfriends get girlfriends!?!
What can I say, he stumbled upon the key to my heart: orgasms and mac 'n cheese.
Leaving the phone at home last night was the best decision I ever made.... Though I still managed to text her and now I have 2 phones...
Hey! I was tired. I threw up in two parking lots yesterday.
We need large glitter to throw at people to signify our mystic nature
Fuck their feelings and their drinks they will get hit with sparkly confetti
It's that time of night again when I start to think I'm really funny, but no one else is as drunk as I am so they all start avoiding me.
You will bone me until my eyeballs fall out. This is not a request.
I haven't had sex since the Vanilla Ice concert
Please don't have sex ever again just so you can say that forever.
We never leave a bad bitch behind. its a party foul..we'll find you somehow
if he becomes president of the united states, I will tell EVERYONE that i took his virginity.
There is this guy in here. He didn't even get ice cream he just filled up his cup with mini marshmellows, chocolate syrup, about a lb of grahm cracker crumbs and walked around to everyone in the shop saying "hey, hey look here, I just made fucking s'mores." He was SO proud of himself.
she said a prayer for the pipe you broke. she did the sign of the cross and everything
Nah, we’re just sitting around talking about different kinds of boners
Randomize
