Well you know what I always say about freshmen.... If you want it, and they've got it... get it.
watching elf naked is so much better than watching it with clothes on .
i just woke up to 15 people singing a whole new world
I am officially out of liquor stores within a 15 mile radius that don't recognize me as soon as I walk in the door.
does it count as cheating if I'm bettering him for his girlfriend?
We're celebrating his weight gain and arrest.and by we I mean I, and by celebrating I mean getting dangerously drunk
False alarm I know hes alive because when i tried shaking him awake he pissed his pants and rolled over..
3 months til "no sober october" start prepping now. i cant have you bitch out on me halfway through like last year.
Your lack of dedication to alcohol is forcing me to drink with my ex husband. U suck
I'm about to eat a honey mustard chicken salad on the toilet while I try to shit. You really think I care about what "kind of guy he is?" The fuck out of here.
If you don't care, I don't. Good luck finding prince charming.
He took some pill and now he's on all fours demanding we give him chips from the dog bowl. Come get him.
OH MY GOD I AM DYING. AS I WAS TEXTING I JUST BUMPED INTO A MOTHER FUCKING DEER. I AM SHAKING
Wait...Literally? You hit a deer...with your body?!
I PHYSICALLY RAN INTO IT. I FELT ITS WEIRD HAIR AND I EVEN APOLOGIZED CAUSE IT DINDT REGISTER THAT IT WASNT A PERSON. MORTIFIED.
I just found out why people like handcuffs.
My parents are coming to visit the 28th. How bad is it that I put a reminder in my phone to "hide sex toys"?
why the hell are you crying over taco bell?
Randomize
