Nice meating you last night
Not a typo
i either bought an eighteen year old girl or i'm engaged to her... i'm not quite sure
Nope it's a specific set of cards not like a normal ace, queen king thing....kinda like UNO, but instead of yelling UNO you get shitfaced
So for Valentine's Day...I finally swallowed. I feel like I earned that steak.
i just went to use the bathroom this morning and I couldn't because there was someone puking in every stall. i'm going to miss the dorms this summer
once you started introducing yourself as "running-bear" i knew you were beyond fucked up
just run out there and shit all over the driveway when he comes.. and then point at him
I'll be so proud. Like a proud mama bear freeing my slut cub into the wild.
I borrowed a glass of wine. And the bottle. Your cat said it was ok
After getting all 4 of my wisdom teeth removed I asked my dentist how much better would I be at head
DID YOU DO SOMETHING WITH THE DEAD ROACH IN THE KITCHEN? OR DID IT LAZARUS?
Jesus I should have learned from my first marriage not to get married again
THERE IS A DOG IN THE CLUB. I repeat a dog in the club. I might have laid down and petted it..I have no shame.
I always knew I would be boring and die in an Uber.
Holy. Shit. I just remembered all the lapdances....
Randomize
