There was this creepy guy on the bus. So I puffed out my stomach & began so hold my stomach like I was preggers.
so this rather large man keeps buying us drinks.......then he licked my face....i dont really care though because the drinks are good. Is this bad?
sometimes I tug on my anal hairs for pleasure
you've officially gone too far. we are no longer friends
It's true- you can buy beer at McDonald's in France. I'm not coming back to the States.
Dude you can't just initiate a threesome via twitter
Bottle rocket just missed my head by about 3 inches. Of course I'm being safe
I feel like I was just dunked in a tub of beer and then thrown in a giant dryer with rocks in it.
New justification for blow: drug week; 'how it's made'
She is wasted and this random lady got her to suckle milk from her tit
Came so hard my ears popped. This lovely piece of news and pissin in my driveway brought to you by rum
See? I told you no boy in roller skates could be entirely straight.
Not sure what time I'll be home. I'm currently topless and the damn stripper won't give me my clothes back
I'm not going out, it's sweat pants and gallon vodka night at my place and I'm the only one on the guest list.
This is because you lost at fooseball isn't it?
I never thought I'd be on my couch watching Star Trek, getting my tits rubbed while crying.
honestly, fuck you guys. i'm gonna get drunk by myself
Randomize
