a mothers knocking is a guaranteed boner softener
that's the type of pussy you go to the bathroom and wack off before you fuck her, just to last longer inside of her!
quadriplegic porn is always funny
no. no its not
"auto-tuned camel" is how i'd describe the noises she made
You know what sound is wonderful for a hangover? Listening to the horns from the South Africans at the world cup
What did he say? I couldn't hear him over the sound of how awesome his beard is.
I knew it would get worse when I said I think your roommate is watching and he looked over at him and said ... So?
A drunk hobo just gave me a fist bump. Because I know what a womb is.
I came in and I guess my parents didn't hear me. My dad just said "Don't be lazy, RIDE IT." to my mom. Never coming home again.
We hit a deer while we were singing an acapella version of "I will always love you"
I just got my beard fondled by a drunk chick outside the venue. I feel slightly violated. And I think her boyfriend wanted to fight me.
I can't tell if I have the Pizza Hut shits or beer shits
I deleted all traces of him from my phone
even the dick picks he sent you?
no are you nuts? saved that shit to my camera roll
Hi I am on my way. I stopped and got the cheeseburger you asked for. Are you gonna pay me back?
Who is this?
I just remembered how you stole the slinky from me. Bitch, I will NEVER forgive you.
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