I woke up this morning with a hospital armband on containing all the information off my fake i.d. WTF did we do last night!?!?
I just shaved my vag with a razor my dad left when he was here a few months ago. Too hungover to think about the Freudian connotations
I AM THE KING OF THE FRESHMEN
how did i know this would happen?
Maybe walking up to the cops busting our party with a "Things go better with Coke" t-shirt on and asking for my extra license back that my little brother got busted with wasn't the best idea of the night.
My worst case scenario tonight is that I fuck a hot Swiss girl. Let that give you perspective on my life at the moment.
Did I mention I should never take 5 Xanax and drink?
I sort of figured that out when I found you sitting on the roof of your house saying we could get in through the skylight while I called the locksmith.
we found him. outside on the balcony, sitting on a bucket, with his pants off, swearing he was'nt taking a dump
The first couple times was just weird, but after last night, I'm beginning to think you have a real problem banging pregnant women who are carrying someone elses child.
All I could think when I saw it was, "All right, Vagina, only one of us is getting out of this alive."
Well we had to pull over on a side street in town so I could throw up while moms were driving by with car loads of kids, I feel like I just performed a lil silent AA film for the childrens
actually there are like 49038098 people in the bathroom for no reason. Singing My Heart Will Go On and pseudo fighting.
Right when he asked me if I was on birth control my dad walked in. This is my fate.
I felt like a slutty ass cruella devil driving your old car, And I got in a fight with your wipers
Well, I just puked in the shower in case anyone wants an update on how my day is going
Just woke up beside some twink in a kilt.. how is your sunday going
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