Drunk x Brooklyn = problems getting home. If I don't make it you can have my computer and my bitches. You're welcome.
OMG Im so trashed fishy! im sitting hereon my bed wif mcdonalds n i look like david hasselhoff!!!!!! kill me now
Surefire way to sober up: discover that your car is being towed at 2 am.
I mean I found and stalk his moms facebook.. that obsessed.
so, is "hi, did i take your virginity six years ago and never call afterwards?" an appropriate greeting in a bar?
and then he started using my ass as a stressball
A guy dressed like Jesus just gave me a mini keg. Prayers really do come true.
So burnt out. Like weed hangover. And someone just fell through the ceiling outside of my class. How's your morning going?
Not sure if this is better or worse than the discovery that bourbon and hot chocolate is a viable combo
he got kicked out of the bar for falling asleep on the mechanical bull.. then freaked on us cause we wouldnt go to the strip club with him
Dear female. Happy valentines day. If you have not had the pleasure of making love to me, please do not fret, I will get around to it soon enough. If you indeed have made love to me, then bravo, wasn't that grand! Perhaps we should do it again? Regardless, have a good day. This has been a public service announcement. Rock on.
I thi k this dude I fcken showed up to the bar in a raisins shirts. I thought I was better than that. Fuckkkk.
WHAT KIND OF GUY JACKS OFF TO A PICTURE OF A BUTT WHAT IS THIS THE 1980s
You said "I feel like a koala bear. Do you ever just feel like a koala bear?" This is your brain on drugs.
So random question: what's a good way to tell your brother that his Skype sex kept you awake last night? I'm not really sure how that conversation begins.
Randomize
