her underwear stopped being sexy when i saw her pubes sticking out of the top.
I just got a ticket for the snow penis we made in our front yard.
The gyno asked how many partners i've had... I said ummmm she goes ok then i'll just put down ten.
Just looked in the mirror and i look like ive been gang banged. Im so proud of my boyfriend it almost hurts
Im 95% ready to shit behind 711
I'm just sayin' man be careful, that chick has castration written all over her.
I'm so in the Halloween spirit, I zombified my all of my nudes on my phone. Tell me this isn't creative.
I told him he was a man of science and that he should conduct experiments on my tits to see how they stay up. I need you to hold onto my larynx when I'm drunk.
I fell asleep on the bus and woke up in Italian Las Vegas. Europe was a successful continent for me.
I've been laying here all day wondering why my back hurt so bad and then I remembered last night.... When you pushed me through that glass table.
Tell me about it I woke up on your couch with only my underwear on and a 26 year old wrapped around me. I thought my thirties would be different.
I was wondering why he was in my phone as "Cat Guy", he seemed pretty normal. Then when we woke up he was wearing a shirt with a picture of his cat on it. The name stays.
all I've ever wanted was a guy with twelve cats who will tie me up in bed
don't bring your nerd jargon into this conversation about my naked body
Just for future reference. Do not do zumba while stoned out of your mind.
Randomize
