rough night. sneezed a watermelon seed this morning and apparently I drunk dialed my boss for a ride home. twice.
I remember asking you "need some dick tonite?"
Yeah I guess to me frat party equals penis party. oh the wonders of vodka.
He tricked me...the first song on his sex mix was trey songz but the rest were techno....i can't walk straight now
FYI If I die in my sleep it is because I drank a bottle of coke from 1986. I needed a mixer
Just got a blow job while taking my online quiz. How is life in the dorms treating you?
The paramedics were not my fault this time.
It was all good till you had ppl chasin shots of ciroc with fucking applesauce
Matt and I's climactic adventure has ended with Matt being hauled off to jail. And now his brother and I are having lunch and a beer.
I didn't even know this guy existed until he'd had his hands down my pants, so I just went with it.
I shit myself when I came, don't have flu sex
It's 5AM and I just stirred weed butter into ramen noodles. This is not where I expected to be at 30. ...But, hey, getting high off noodles.
He came home at 2 AM on roller skates with his hair dyed pink while singing "Sweet Transvestite" and throwing glitter on all of us and everything we own. We had to call a cleaning guy.
On another note, I almost lost one side of my fake butt. Dancing the wobble with the fake butt isn't recommend.
So I had this brilliant idea that I would sleep in all sorts of sweatpants and sweatshirts... Apparently I thought I could "sweat" off the drunk in my sleep and that it would make me feel better when I woke up
How is there a hawk inside this house? More importantly how the hell is he handling it without any gear?
Randomize
