So...AT&T finally added picture messaging for iPhone...bring on the tits!!!
Just did shots with my boss to warm up for our sales call to Childrens Hospital. I love startups.
so my car got towed last night. I didnt know it cost 118 dollars to have a college experience
he cried for an hour, then he threw up on my lap then started singing party in the usa...opera style...
I can do anything tonight that doesnt involve an erection.
If him repeating sorry while thrusting isn't makeup sex than I don't know what else is
Well regardless of where or with who you will be blacking out and i will be pouring shots down ur throat like a baby bird
How can I not totally like a guy that told me my boobs were too big for me to be taught how to play golf?
I WAS a history major. I also WAS a functioning human being. Fuck gin.
Woke up in her bed this morning with a half used condom stuck to the side of my face
How can a condom be "half used"?
Some girl just ordered Chinese delivery to her therapy appointment...
Your life has no conflict it's just a blur of sex and Netflix
I had to switch to male Siri because I could feel female Siri voice judging me for reading my sexts out loud. Also, the dude voice keeps me in the mood.
Some days you ride the struggle bus. Other days, it gets a flat, the AC breaks, and you run over a bunny.
Guess whose grandma smokes weed?
Randomize
