First guy to fuck a girl in the new tool shed. Her underwear is on the shovel hook.
just landed in detroit. Currently holding a bag of my own vomit. neighbor told me it was the most graceful vom she has ever seen. Kicking off bar exam week in style.
I could hear his roommate in the background imitating my sex sounds...
We're listening to the crystal method and doing bong hits for jesus
How are you texting me from 1998?
Brutal- a couple weeks back I had a 28 hr blackout and four day hangover. S'why I decided to haul it in
I woke up wearing nothing but his lifeguard whistle..
Why are you awake at 6am and liking photos from rando Russian chicks on Instagram?
It wasn't so much a one night stand as much as one night she puked on my nightstand.
You kept saying you only wanted to drink until you were sleepy. You succeeded if "sleepy" means you sleepied around with 4/6 of the guys there.
Currently hiding in the shower from the RA and my elbow turns it on. Showers and Ciroc don't mix..
I've come to realize that I need a break from life when I just tried to use my address numbers as the cook time on the microwave
It was a simpler time. With fewer STDs.
Fuck him and his perfect arms, huge penis and relentless ability to ignore me.
all i'm saying is don't blame me if your purses are filled with whoppers
are we talking malt balls or BK?
All I fucking want right now is a cheeseburger the size of my face
Randomize
