just bought miller high life, hungry man dinners, and a bottle of lube. you win life, you win.
I am a human short and spout . Here is my jager Herr is my redbull . When i get real drink i shout out. Tip me over and pour yeager out
If you could smell my eyes you'd understand the whole story
He was in Alberta for less than a week and is already banned from 6 bars. I fear for his general well-being over there.
Just saw 1 guy dressed as a cow and another dressed as a shrimp dancing on the side of the road. We're turning around I NEED to dance with them.
Like hey, "you just spent $135k to go to a nobody law school to drive a mini van, be a dj, live in a smalllll ass apartment that smells like cats and your girlfriend fucks other guys."
This is just what we do. We meet guys, go back to their place, smoke all their weed & go home to compete in out own version of Cupcake Wars.
Be ready for a dog pile. On your head. With my ass.
No later than 4:00 ok - I'm tying my viagra high into a superbowl halftime showstopper. Ya, you might wanna look away for that
I was thirsty after the sex and it was a long trek back to res so naturally I stole chocolate milk from his fridge as I left
Its a shame I cant put 'bomb ass head game' on my resume.
I legitimately just had to leave work because I am too hungover. The front office ladies keep making fun of me.
I'm hungry and horny. DEADLY COMBINATION.
Well when we Get drunk it gets rowdy. We could always attempt self-control. But historically and statistically speaking, we fail at that.
because nothing says “let’s fucking rage” like getting a compensation letter and some company stock
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