Last night i was so high that i came home and did a taste test of every vitamin water and wrote theyre grade down on paper.
upper decked the toilet at the restaurant that wouldn't let me pee there yesterday
I would rather wake up to a truck driver than wake up to her
Just bought plan B with a coupon. Told the pharmacist I like to keep it classy.
Every day you talk to me ... I literally love you more..
just bailed mom out of jail. Tell me i'm not the favorite child
If you bring me a slurpee and advil I will eat you out for like an hour.
Ya,, he does have virgin eyes. Thats a real thing you know...
Congratulations, you fucked a nickle into me.
She suggested that I come visit her in Europe and hook up with the heteroflexible Korean who sits next to her in class. Polylove is the best love.
Let's get one thing straight; we aren't in a relationship. We fuck and occasionally go to subway.
I have just gotten home. I saw a lot of penis tonight. On a trampoline. Shit got weird.
I was loaded. my pee still has a hint of lime
I'm 2 seconds away from smashing the bottle and drinking it off the counter with a straw.
i think if a sober person was watching us they would have not thought we were witty
I am far too sober to understand you right now. sorry.
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