Note left in log book: "4:30am a guy was caught masturbating in the bathroom and passed out in his own juices and we had to take the door off the hinges."
You guys are open that late?
mom brought her knitting needles with her. its bad enough to be in the ER on new years, but to be with the knitting parent!?
I guess I puked all over my hand too and I just looked at my roommate and said, "fix this."
Omg! I'm gonna have a heat stroke. I'm going to collect my sweat and drink it for a buzz and hydration purposes
This would be a good time to bring up the fact that my spider-man fork is MIA
I'm at some strange place in what feels like Mexico, high and getting tacos.
I'm gonna write a book one day about how to be the less attractive person girls settle for after getting dumped. I will send you a copy
All I know is that I woke up with my pajamas on inside out in front of a bowl of watered down kd. Sitting up. I didn't even make it to bed.
No! Last time I got hit with a beer bottle
Haha, Tuesday man
I lost my bra at his grandma's house so there's that.
I HAVENT SEEN A PENIS IN 5 WEEKS I REFUSE TO REMAIN CALM
If it snows I'm making an igloo and getting wasted in it
i'm really sorry, but i'm just not sober enough to make good decisions.
We already gave up cheese, how are we supposed to give up coke?
Okay. Did I say I did anything unusual? Because I usually do weird stuff. Did I clean mirrors? My mirrors are really clean, and I think I remember having windex..
Randomize
