I walked up to her and said hello and wanted to ask her if she had fun last night... she asked me if we had met before.
I don't think its a good idea if I moon a whole bar again
you were mass sexting so we took your phone away
Haha o man how much you've grown. From beer bonging wine and wearing cargo shorts to well, beer bonging beer and wearing cargo shorts
woke up this morning in the hall outside of my parents room with a sign taped to myself that said "im sorry"...
Hovering on the line between her being fuckable and me being too drunk to fuck. Life's juggling act in progress here.
Honestly... isn't she a psych major? how does she go through life NOT realizing that everything she does is a cry for help?
God I feel like the rain man of hangovers.
I misunderstood what a furry was. Come pick me up.
He said I took his samurai sword off his wall and proceeded to jump off his porch at people coming home from the bar.
It's statistically impossible for there not to be at least one guy sexting you right now
What has my life come to that I have to spank someone in morse code?
Hmmm... I thought we agreed as a group we make our last stand in Philly...
I don't wanna go out like that. Covered in melted cheese smelling like a sewer rat...
This week I fucked a police officer and called both the Senators from the state I'm in and the one I'm moving to. What have you done since the election?
I can guarantee he will smoke me out and I won't feel bad about it because he gets to touch my butt.
Randomize
