If Billy Mays did an infomercial on your dick, it still wouldn't get you laid.
i love rice pilaf. whoever invented that i would give them a hug.
i woke facing the corner with my computer and i had googled "how to put out a fire" i am so scared to turn around
bottle of wine in one hand cigar in the other. 5 am. topless on our fire escape. and she cleaned our bathroom... i like his new girlfriend.
I had a dream that our used condom started talking to me. I told me that I did an amazing job, and told me that it saved me. From aids.
I'm spooning a three legged dog right now. Started drinking whiskey with Breakfast. Best part about being biracial is Irish cousins. Dog Pic Attahed
Lil wasted at a baby shower. Here's to beating teen pregnancy BOTTOMS UP
it's 2:30 on a sunday and I just won a wine chugging contest. I'm never graduating.
I DON'T CARE LET'S GET DRUNK AND GO. I STRAIGHTENED MY HAIR DO THIS FOR ME.
So the next three days will be henceforth known as the 'celebration of the end of the most irresponsible years of my life' be prepared to wake up naked in a ditch.
I just try to date guys based on what I need like I am trying to find an electrician now
You gays are geniuses
"I'm a professor to university students" I say as I realize I have a nipple piercing that I have no memory of getting
I can't hang out with this penis. I'll start thinking I like the person it belongs to.
My girlfriend is so strong now. Like on the one hand its kind of hot because she can pin me down during sex, but on the other hand she picked me up and carried me bridal style at the company bbq.
It was weird, it was like my heart got a boner. Is this being an adult?
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