Hey, It's Lauren. i wanted to talk to you tonight. I like you, as you know because kyle told you. I was wondering if you liked me too?
Are you in the third fucking grade? Check yes or no.
she cant drink. allergic to alcohol.
ewwww. she might as well have a dick.
i am already firmly committed to doing irish carbombs w/ 12 different people, and the st pattys day party doesnt start for another 24 hours. i may die
That's ok. Our relationship has a solid foundation of booze and questionable behavior.
the sad thing is, im pretty sure she was serious about giving me head for my falafel
Someone played tic tac toe on my abs?
Well someone has to be the Christmas slut at the family dinner. I suppose it's my year to fill those shoes.
I don't even know why im sitting in this office eating a poptart.
I was more than drunk as hell I have rug burn on my elbows from ninja roles on the ground..
I owe you a thank you for last night. Only you could go up to a guy, ask if he likes my boobs, and return later to find us in a full on dance floor makeout sesh. Well played.
First thing on my "to do" list- get sober for community service.
Heres a quick tip! When getting black out head from your girlfriend dont come to and say "wait... wheres my girlfriend"
Mid-fucking he screams "YOU CAN'T VOTE FOR TRUMP"
Give me one good reason why I should go with you.
Free beer.
..pick me up at 8.
It probably doesn't matter because I'm drunk...but I'm sorry for getting you drunk, having you almost lose your place to live, all your friends, permanently lose your liver functions, throwing up on my floor, losing virginity...etc...mostly I'm sorry for making you watch: cabin in the woods.
Randomize
