I thidmdmk you'gre a special person
we just toasted to your mouth on alex's balls at the bar
Successful New Year's Eve:: Your first shower of the year is on Jan. 2nd... 'cause you didn't trust yourself to stand up long enough on Jan. 1st. Hello 2010.
It's official. I'm a squirter. Wasn't a one time thing.
just bailed mom out of jail. Tell me i'm not the favorite child
you handed the cop a condom last night and said "it's all about protect and serve right?"
i ended up playing naked naked monopoly and hangman with my dealer. i really love my life.
be warned: you might find a baby hampster in my bra
I threw up in the kitchen on the floor and a guy tried cleaning it up with a spoon at a party.
She offered to treat me to breakfast after a one night stand if I meet her parents and sex again if I act as her bf. It may be a trap but its a offer I won't refuse.
He fed us edamame like baby birds. Slowly all coming back to me.
He said he discovered the mysteries of the universe inside an orange... I want whatever he was on.
All I know for sure is, I went to bed drunk and I woke up in a relationship..I think I need to reevaluate my drinking skills.
Is that your mom climbing in your window dude
Sometimes self-care is taking a shot of vodka and moving on.
Randomize
