True or false: I did not bring home a 28 year old last night.
True? Did she teach you things?
She taught me the meaning of awkward goodbyes at 530 am.
I tried to tell him it was only 2:00, but he said since it was 5:00 in New York, it was perfectly acceptable. He then put on a Blues Brothers hat and a pair of wayfarers and left. I expect him home in a few hours with a police escort.
but the lizard people decide everything anyway
Thursdays are my worst days
but now we sippin champagne when we thirstay?
my desire to fuck abstract ideas (bravery, love, popsicls,,) increases by 8bajillion% when I'm high
VAGINAS ASSEMBLE!
I'm not seeing this movie with you.
Maybe it was that imaginary ghost dick you were stuffing in your mouth a minute ago
My drug dealer just made me weigh out my own weed because he was in the middle of taking his law enforcement final
Just made a beer run. At 9am. In my pjs. I should not be graduating today
Going to be a long day. text me later. Sorry I puked in your sink.
you know that australian accents are like the bat signal to my vagina
HIS DICK IS GLORIOUS AND I WANT TO RIDE IT TO VALHALLA
Need advice bro. Which one should I take: the blonde devil crying in the corner or the brunette crawling on the floor acting like a dinosaur??
How can I prove that I give 401k advice and not handjobs?
I woke up under a house in Key West
Randomize
