oddly enough my penis is pretty tan. the part of my body that gets the least amount of sunlight is tanner than most of the rest of my body.
I think its part of male evolution. Pretty soon they'll have diamonds on them and taste like chocolate.
How much would it be to rent out Gus Johnson so he can announce our flip cup games?
It's nice to sit in the library and see the progression from freshman pledge to 6th year coke addict all at one table. Gotta love sororities
You are a finance major, can I use my 529 account for your bail?
I've had to much cheese to give a fuck about anything. im tired.
it's like getting dryhumped by a chainsaw in the very best possible way
Im rolling face in a pizzeria. I want to be with people who love me.
Haunted Houses: fun, lame, or love to sneak off and get fingered in the dark alley way?
My philosophy professor just told the class that he is suspicious of dolphins. The stoner in front of me totally gets it. I need to start getting high for this class.
Had sex with one of the guys from Ireland. Celebrating st pattys early.
Do you remember peeing in the sink while I was throwing up?
No ma'am, I do not. I found a video of us trying to do a trust fall though. Emphasis on the trying.
Who's the easier target... Bandages on the knees, tramp stamp, or bra showing? Not in the mood to work for it tonight.
I apparently pulled his dick out at the bar and started yelling "DICK PICS IN REAL LIFE!"
I'm gonna cum garlic butter
Oh, and Harry Potter. We could be fuck-and-Harry-Potter buddies.
Randomize
