This fat girl in front of me just got on the bus to go 2 blocks. Do you think she ever wonders why shes fat?
Brought out my three foot martini glass last night, that explains why I haven't left my bed all day long.
At this point I feel like i'm never going to be sober, and it's frightening
Now accepting hypotheses about how i managed to get a bruise between my boobs....
I'm setting a 12:15 alarm for a taco bell run. Be awake or never wake up again.
I knew things were bad when I walked in on you feeding juice to your iPhone
God dammit not the cupcake channel. Not when I'm high.
Great sex, the promise of us mixing our excellent genetics in the future, and access to drugs are mainly what's holding this relationship together at the moment
All I remember is sitting on your kitchen floor and playing with a banana like it was a viking ship.
So the next time I call you and say I'm going to my first strip club because it's christmas eve eve, and have work the next morning, I'd appreciate you stopping me
he just used a semicolon in the middle of a sext
The next time we go out, we're bringing a jar so that people can contribute to the rest of what I need to come up with for my breast implants... We'll show them yours for inspiration and persuasion.
I am sitting in my lingerie, eating frozen cookie dough out of a bowl, and watching family. My hump day is going great
You can call me ugly and you can call me fat,but don't you EVER say my meme game is weak.
Just saw a car towing a guy on skis drive by so that’s how Syracuse is doing today.
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