dear sober me, don't br the first to open the fridge in the morning
The future queen of Norway was pregnant with a druglord's baby when she met the prince. We still have hope.
Let's just go topless and paint glitter over our nipples who the fuck cares
I'm currently trying to decide if crown or wild turkey will hurt worse coming back out through my nose later.
Need. Hospital. Physically am floating.
My friend had to carry her up the steps on his shoulder, and then she got up, found an ironing board and set it up in my friend's room just in case he needed to iron things.
I went out with a plan. I came home with a Brian. THIS WAS NOT PART OF THE PLAN.
I don't know why I bit your face last night but I'm sorry .
He couldn't undo my bra. He ended up breaking the clasp he clawed at it so long. We met on Tinder for God sake
We got stoned and took selfies with the most perfect lawn
The stripper was super into me until she pulled out my tits then I realized.... This bitch is just using my ass to get MORE TIPS
She started crying because the Rugrats grew up
Let's not forget that we had sex on the ground in public tonight.
The air taste purple.
lord you gonna make me abandon my soup for tasteful catboy nudes
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