did you seriously just ask me if there is such thing as a sophisticated batman shirt?
i told him i was sober and he walked away immediately.
He posted a picture of my bra on facebook with the caption "I don't know who I hooked up with last night but if this is yours please come pick it up".
I need to get skinnier so that I know when pregnancy scares are real...
I can't. I will literally throw up my liver
Why dont you be an ebola patient for halloween? You can totally throw up and itll be part of your costume.
I feel like a blind man at a water park. Every step has the potential to be either fatal or lead to accidental, but totally enjoyable, sex.
My liver just had a heart attack.
I can't figure out if I'm dying from all of the booze still in my system, or from the cement wall.
I'm sorry I pissed in your bedroom and then woke you up when I tried to jump off the balcony
OMFG. JUST WALKED IN ON A DUDE JERKING IT IN THE MCDONALDS BATHROOM
Stall or urinal?
I left him naked in his bed. I did cover his junk with a blanket in case his roommate walked in later though. so I don't feel as bad about it.
I’m a go ahead and fuck down ATL. So when I leave in January I’ll have no regrets.
So unofficially, he told me he deleted tinder because of me. I think that's a pretty romantic gesture in 2018.
we've dated a week and made out twice. he is taking it slow. but his body is stupid sexy. just want him to stop respecting me and fuck me like a gutter slut. respect me later im not getting younger.
Does sending her to the conference instead of a competent employee and putting her in a suite make up for banging her husband behind her back?
No, but she’ll have a nice memory when she gets dumped and fired on the same day.
Randomize
