That was rough. We had a 50% puke rate and 100% still drunk rate at lunch
that thing about your dad's boner was meant to be a compliment
We just spray painted his balls while he is passed out....I cant wait to see him try to figure this out in the morning.
my drunk uncle just explained that turkeys are not gentle lovers... and no context doesn't make it better.
I haven't even gone in yet. I'm sitting in the waiting room playing a game i like to call "Who else is here for AA".
Disney World has no open container laws. Ohmygod this place is even cooler than it was when I was ten.
Sorry if I put you in that 'glad we're hanging out but I'm gonna go fuck your cousin' kind of position
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
Got drunkdialed by my estranged mom while wallowing in pinkeye drinking 100 proof eating ramen alone. Year summed up perfectly.
Fuck that, come home. Let's get drunk and judge people.
His face matches his life choices. Both are train wrecks.
I woke up in the bathtub with money shoved down my pants. I must've done something right.
I feel like I should send her I'm sorry I've been fucking your boyfriend flowers.
Just reached for my phone in my non existant pocket while it was in my hand.
I’ve slept with a Senior, a Freshman and a Junior so far. I’m a Sophomore away from hitting for the cycle
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