With sake I got over my irrational fear of seafood. Now I just fear sake.
part of me always dies a little when i go to the "2 women seeking 1 man" section in craigslist's casual encounters to find nothing there. it's tragic
it's official, i know exactly what cross streets we're at by the bumps when i give him road head
on a related note, did you know that the fire alarm in our apartment talks?
i took my sailor hat off and used it as a vom bucket
Give us adventure or give us cock. Or cocktails.
Mass text to all of my back up boy toys. First one here wins. Mama needs some.
i miss freshman lecture halls much harder to take shots in a class of 20
Why is there ANOTHER stolen fire extinguisher in my room? You know that's a felony right...
We had sex in the morning in pregnant lady position. Like fuck me like the hott piece of ass that I am, not your wife of 7 years.
I have a terrible feeling that I made out with a fraternity last night
I complemented his smile, he sends me a dick pic. Seriously?
If I don't answer right away it's because I took an Adderall and the fridge needs cleaned.
She really wants to hug you. With her vagina.
Very interesting. Let's just say I got home last night and threw up, found a joint in my bra, and woke up naked in my bed
Randomize
