I'm pretty sure a girl doesn't give it up with a reverse cow girl...
I checked for jungle juice on Weight Watchers. they didn't have it.
Went home with a guy 2 " his house". Woke up this morn on couch to parents cooking breakfast, piss all over my back and he is no where to be found. That fuckr pissed on me and bounced. His parents are gonna think some drunk bitch pissed their couch.
Ate lunch. Still drunk. Keep forgetting I'm in Texas but then I look around at the people and remember.
Next time we go to the river, we nominate you to flash people for free booze. Your tits are the biggest.
Between the walk of shame, bar fight, karaoke, injuries, number of bar check-ins, and variety/quantity of alcohols and Advil consumed, I'd say HookerFest 2012 was a raging success.
I need to throw up and die. The order doesn't matter. I feel like shit
Please just fuck her. She's new to LA and doesn't know anyone nice.
If throwing a bottle across the bar, hitting a skank in the head and not getting caught was an Olympic event, you'd bring merica the gold every time
do you think our homemade porn will pass for my cinematography final?
Btw when I was saying "fuck you" I meant it like "be quiet beautiful princess"
I mean, it's just pathetic when the standard is tinder and he can't live up to it.
How does it feel to date your dad?
Bro you were on fire last night...like a less Irish version of Liam Neeson
I basically go to him for great dick and great memes.
Randomize
