I accidentally had sex with my boyfriend's twin last night...and he didn't stop me.
How was it?
Fantastic, but that's not the point.
im a genious. moved my bed and mirror so i can watch the game while Fucking
it's pretty bad when you go in bed bath and beyond and recognize 6 different bed spreads you've had sex on
Woke up this morning to my mom on the phone with my dad saying, "It's probably just your prostate." Reasons to move out. Go.
Good news: he out-ran the campus police. Bad news: they were chasing him toward the REAL police.
I left my coke in the bird nest in the bathroom stall last night but I found it nest and all in my purse I love morning suprises
Relaxed was like phase 1 of this phase 7 high
I'll never get why we had to sing the entire full house theme to the cab driver.... never drinking rum again.
My mouth feels like it's at the dentist but my body feels like it's at the strip club.
I didn't have cash to pay cover at the bar, so I traded the bouncer a Krispy Kreme doughnut i had in my purse
he told me he didn't like my name so he was going to call me Casey instead
Normally roommates threatening each other with knives would be too much crazy for me, but I don't have much going on right now and I feel like this could get interesting. So I think I'm gonna ride this shit out for a while.
I just ate a handful of salt
I thought this was a good idea
Do not ever look at a picture of an erect ostrich penis. You will regret it.
I don’t know if I’m nauseous or just disgusted with myself.
Randomize
