There's a dildo in the cheerios box here...
They threw a beer at you on stage and then you stopped the karaoke and cussed everyone in the bar out for 2 minutes
I am a human short and spout . Here is my jager Herr is my redbull . When i get real drink i shout out. Tip me over and pour yeager out
Like I said I'm looking on the bright side. The bright side just happens to be filled with penis attached to hot marines
Please just fuck her. She's new to LA and doesn't know anyone nice.
Why would I take you home? That would eliminate the chances of you making bad decisions I could ridicule you about later.
We went from zero to drunk tank in 45 minutes.
I know, my friend Erin took me into the bathroom at work and poured pickle juice on me.
She started giving me head while we were watching the Walking Dead premiere, WORST BJ EVER.
so I ate shit in the bar and took a barstool down with me and this guy helped me up and I just started making out with him. I need to stop meeting men like that
My doctor wrote down abstinence as my form of birth control. #ihavenodatinglife
There are no winners in a lube eating competition.
Sorry my friend with benefits tried to run you over with his car
Just set the kids up with doughnuts downstairs so I could go up and masturbate uninterrupted. I am such a good mom.
what the fuck happend anyway? How did it go from smoothies after work to blacking out?
Randomize
